Kiyone goes to Blood Gulch
by Lord22
Summary: It was a fairly average day in the Masaki Household until and accident in Washu's lab sends Kiyone traveling through space time to arrive in a box canyon in the middle of nowhere. Now surrounded by lunatics both Red and Blue, Kiyone must find a way to get back home without going completely insane in the meantime.
1. Cops and Teleporters

**Chapter One: Cops and Teleporters**

It was a routine patrol turned mission for Galaxy Police detectives Mihoshi and Kiyone. The Starship Yagami flew through space toward new coordinates and new adventures. Within it the two detectives were having too very different reactions.

'I can't wait to see what this is going to be, Kiyone!' said Mihoshi 'I'll bet it'll be an armed robbery! Or a space hijacking!' The ditzy blonde was beyond excited.

Kiyone looked at her friend with a tired expression. Or more precisely her friend's right hand. 'Mihoshi, what is that?'

'This, oh its a milk shake silly!' said Mihoshi.

'Mihoshi we're not supposed to be eating on the job.' said Kiyone 'Especially not in the cockpit. Do you have any idea how much expensive equipment there is here?'

'Oh, but it's really good.' said Mihoshi defensively.

'Just throw it out Mihoshi, and go wash your hands.' said Kiyone.

'Why?' asked Mihoshi.

'Because you'll get your console all sticky okay.' said Kiyone 'I can't do everything for you.'

It was only once Mihoshi left that Kiyone slumped forward. 'Geez, what am I your mother. Oh well, by the time she gets back we'll be homing in on a new mission. Maybe this will boost my career-'

The two drivers had had a low speed collision. No one had been hurt and both had waited for the officers on duty to arrive. Now they were both whining.

'I was following the speed limit and then this guy careened into me!' the first was saying.

'You liar!' said the second 'You were out of control!'

'Please, calm down both of you.' said Mihoshi 'This is not the answer.'

The bickering continued regardless and Mihoshi's attempts to calm them down were not working. Kiyone stared at her blank notepad, her pen shaking with frustrated rage.

'Will both of you listen!' she snapped and both fell silent. 'Who made the first turn on Mars?'

'This guy!' said the first.

'Uh uh, it was you!' said the second.

* * *

Things didn't get much better from there. Both drivers were very firm in the idea that it was all the other ones fault. Eventually after a long time of fruitless working they got the situation remedied and went back home. Kiyone made her way toward the Masaki house, her shoulders slumped with exhaustion and her blue hair hanging down around her face.

'Another day another collision. I am so beat.' said Kiyone.

'We're very exhausted.' said Mihoshi, whose hair was a little frazzled.

They got to the door and opened it. Within they found Tenchi had gotten in just ahead of them. He turned around and smiled at them. 'Oh welcome home.'

'Oh hey Tenchi.' said Kiyone 'Where is everyone else?'

'Well Ryoko is sleeping and Ayeka and Sasami are-' began Tenchi.

'I'm right here, Tenchi.' said Ryoko, the cyan haired space pirate surging down to wrap her arms around the boy. 'Though I wouldn't mind going back to sleep if you were near.'

'What are you doing?' asked Ayeka, the purple haired princess materializing. 'Leave Tenchi alone.'

'Make me, Princess.' said Ryoko.

'Why you… you need to be taught a lesson.' said Ayeka 'This has to be finished!'

'Bring it on!' said Ryoko.

An energe sphere appeared in Ryoko's hands and Ayeka summoned here electro logs. Tenchi sighed and looked up. 'And here we go. Hey, Kiyone, Washu wanted your help with something. She asked me to notify you as soon as you got in.'

'Well I live to serve.' muttered Kiyone as the showdown went on. 'I'll see what she wants.'

Washu's lab was located in subspace and it was never quite the same when Kiyone went there. Sometimes it looked like a luxorious villa, other times like a lab worthy of a mad scientist. The red haired genius was standing by two pads typing busily as Kiyone approached.

'All right Washu, what is it you needed my help with?' asked Kiyone.

'Ah Kiyone,' said Washu, turning around. 'glad you came to help. I need you to test my new device.'

'And you couldn't get Tenchi or Ryoko to do it because?' asked Kiyone.

'I need a normal human for this experiment.' said Washu, before taking out a watch and giving it to her. 'Now put this on.'

'A watch?' asked Kiyone, as she put it on.

'It's insurance, just in case y'know.' said Washu.

'Okay. Now what?' asked Kiyone.

'Now stand right here.' said Washu, motioning to one of the blinking pads. 'What I'm going to do is try to teleport you over to that place over there.'

'Teleport?' asked Kiyone, not liking the idea. 'But… you have tested this thing right?'

'Of course, I used it on Ryo-Oki until Ryoko told me not to anymore.' said Washu 'It is perfectly safe, so long as nothing goes wrong with the process.'

Not liking this one bit, Kiyone nevertheless stood on the pad. Washu began typing again and the room shuddered. Light emenated from the pad around Kiyone's feet.

'Now, initiating process…' said Washu.

And then Mihoshi happened. She bared in and looked over Washu's shoulder. 'Oh hey Washu!'

Used to Mihoshi screwing up her experiments, Washu turned around. 'Mihoshi, get out of here!'

She hit a button she wasn't supposed to. The light increased exponentially.

'Washu, what's going on!' cried Kiyone.

'Ah! She screwed up my calculations!' said Washu 'The coordinates are out of control!'

'Mihoshi I will-' growled Kiyone.

* * *

And then she was standing in the middle of a box canyon in the middle of nowhere. There was no way in or out that Kiyone could see. The only civilization she could see were two identical structures, one with red banners the other with blue.

'-get you for this. Where am I?'

The sun was beating down above. There were a few scraggly trees around and the canyon floor was covered in green grass. But otherwise there was no sign of life. Deciding that she should make for shelter, Kiyone began walking towards the blue base.

As she did she raised an audio recorder and spoke:

'Kiyone's log:

I have been teleported to another place entirely during one of Washu's lab experiments. It appears to have similar plant life to Earth, so it may be on the same planet. I've spotted what look like military structures, painted in blue in the distance. I'm on route to investigate-'

'Hey! Asshole! What's with all the noise?!' said a drunken female voice.

Standing on top of the blue base was a figure clad in yellow armor, walking forward in a fashion which suggested inebriation. Kiyone looked at her in surprise for a moment, before getting her bearing. 'I um… oh right. Excuse me, my name is Kiyone Makibi, I'm a detective in the galaxy police-'

'Your a cop?!' said the woman, voice indicating that this was something akin to the antichrist.

'I um…' Kiyone paused 'I'm off duty right now but yes.'

'Shit!' said the woman 'The fuzz is on to us! Church, Tucker, Caboose! Don't tell them anything until you speak to a lawyer! She can't arrest you without reading you your rights!'

'I'm not here to arrest anyone.' said Kiyone.

'Oh yeah?' asked the woman 'Well why are you here if you aren't here to arrest us?! COP!'

'I already told you I'm lost-' she began.

'I'm not talking to you cop!' roared the woman 'I'm not a snitch!'

'Geez, look!' said Kiyone 'I'm not here to interrogate anyone, I just-'

And then a large blue armored figure popped up before her. 'Hello.'

Kiyone reeled backwards in surprise before recovering. Maybe this one would be more reasonable. 'Oh, hello. I'm Kiyone Makibi of the Galaxy Police. I've been transported here from another planet and-'

'Another planet? Are you from command?! Because they never have good news.' he said, his voice distressed. 'Did someone die? Was it Church?! Oh my god it was Church wasn't it?!'

'I'm not from off planet.' said Kiyone. 'Or at least, I might not be. Is this on earth?'

'Oh good. Because Church already died this week.' said Caboose. 'How sad would it be for him to die twice in one week?!' He raised his hand and whispered conspiratorially. 'Psst, I think the new guy did it.'

'I… I don't…' Kiyne began.

'Caboose, what the fuck is going on here?' snapped a new sarcastic voice. A soldier in cobalt armor holding a sniper rifle appeared out of the base. 'I'm in the middle of…' He caughter sight of Kiyon. 'Oh. Tucker is going to have a field day with this.'

'Field day with what?' asked Kiyone, unsure of how to react.

He sighed. 'You'll find out as soon as he gets back from his rock. Anyway, what do you want?'

'Well I was just saying,' said Kiyone 'I'm…' How to put this? 'lost.'

'Where the hell were you headed that you ended up here?' asked the man 'We're not on any trade routes.'

'Well see there was this teleporter accident-' began Kiyone.

'Say no more. Happened to us once.' said the man.

'You have a functioning teleporter?' asked Kiyone, surprised.

'Yeah, it's right over there.' said the man 'But I wouldn't recommend using it.'

'Why not?' asked Kiyone.

He shrugged. 'It doesn't really teleport to any one location.' He glanced to the teleporter. 'And some of the things which go through it come out charred on the other side.'

'Oh. I see.' said Kiyone 'So is this a military operation?'

'Sort of, we're the Blue Team.' said the man 'Assigned to this Blue Base. I'm Leonard L. Church, the leader. The idiot over there is Caboose, and the other idiot is Sister. And the guy who isn't here is Tucker.'

'Right, okay.' said Kiyone 'Could I use your communications array? I need to send a singal-'

'Shut up cop!' roared Sister 'Don't listen to her Church! You have rights!'

'For the last time I'm not interrogating him!' shouted Kiyone.

'COP!' roared back Sister.

At that moment an aqua armored soldier came by, holding a battle rifle. 'Hey Church, I was just by my rock and I saw the Reds-' He locked eyes on Kiyone, and instantly his posture changed. 'Oh, hello there beautiful. Would you like to see my sacred weapon?' He put away his rifle and drew out a sword of light. 'It's a master of penetration. Bow chick bow wow.'

'What?' said Kiyone.

'Hey is your hair natural like that?' asked Tucker 'Or are you just trying to fit the theme. Bow chicka bow wow!'

'What?!' said Kiyone 'Are… are you hitting on me?'

'Hitting on you?' asked Tucker 'With those puppies I think I'm more worried about them hitting me. Bow chicka bow wow.'

'Tucker, shut up man.' said Church.

'So do you wear a push up bra, or are you just naturally firm? Bow chicka bow wow-' Church rifle butted him through one of the teleporters. There was a scream of absolute agony and he appeared halfway across the canyon covered in black stuff. 'Church what the hell man! I was making my moves!'

'Sorry about that.' said Church 'Tucker hasn't seen a woman who wasn't wearing battle armor in years.'

'Are… are these people always like this?' asked Kiyone, at a loss.

'Let me put it this way, officer.' said Church 'Your first impression, is just about the tip of the iceberg.'

'SHUT UP SNITCH!' roared Sister.

This did not bode well.

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

Okay, unless I'm mistaken this is the first RVB Tenchi Universe crossover in the history of the world. The general inspiration for this was noting the similarities between Leonard L. Church and Kiyone Makibi, and also noting their differences. Then I had the idea to get them into the same room together and this was the result.

Enjoy.


	2. Capture and Rescue

**Chapter 2: Capture and Rescue**

Some time later, or maybe a long time later Kiyone wasn't really sure what time it was and the sun never set here, she woke up and went down for breakfast while recording her log.

 _'_ _Kiyone's log:_

 _Day… I don't know of my exile._

 _I have only been here only a few days at most and I'm already beginning to run out of patience. I'm taking shelter at a place called Blue Team, and while their base does provide adequate protection against the elements the company… leaves much to be desired.'_

'So um…' she looked at the meal, feeling thirsty suddenly. 'where is the water?'

'Water?' asked Church.

'Yes, you know. Water.' said Kiyone.

'What? Can't you drink ketchup and olive oil like normal people COP!' roared Sister.

 _'_ _First there is Sister. She demonstrates a paranoid hatred of officers of the law. She is also very open about it. I'm… not sure how to work with her.'_

'Stop calling me that!'

'Why not?!' asked Sister 'Guilty conscience, cop?!'

'For the last time I'm not here to arrest anyone! I just want to know where the water is.' said Kiyone.

'Yeah, we basically ran out of water a month ago.' said Church 'It'll be another few days until our next shipment.'

Kiyone stared. 'But how can you live?'

'Ater.' said Church, offering her a bottle.

'What is ater?' asked Kiyone, eyeing it suspiciously.

'It's immitation water.' said Church 'It hydrates you without actually making you feel less thirsty.'

'But that's crazy!' said Kiyone.

'Yeah, no shit.' said Church 'Does anything about this place seem sane to you?'

Kiyone uncorked the bottle and drank it down. It felt like air going down her throat. She felt more hydrated, but her mouth was just as parched as before.

 _'_ _Next there is Church. He is… kind of sane. At least he seems the most collected of anyone here. I have no idea how he stands these people.'_

At that moment, who should appear, but Tucker. 'I'm insane, just like that body of yours. Unfortunately the asylum only has one cell so it looks like we're going to have to share one! Bow chicka bow wow!'

 _'_ _Then there is… Tucker.'_

'Tucker man, you've been cracking these jokes for hours!' said Church 'Just shut the fuck up already!'

'Hey, I haven't seen a woman outside of combat armor in years and then she walks in with a skintight jumpsuit.' said Tucker 'And she's been walking through my dreams all day. Bow chicka bow wow-Ow!'

Then in came the blue soldier from before. 'Hey, Church! I just read something amazing!'

'What is it Caboose?' asked Church.

'Kings can't vote in democracies.' said Caboose.

'…Yes Caboose, that is exactly right.' said Church.

 _'_ _Lastly Caboose is fairly nice. If not very bright. I have to wonder-'_

'Why the fuck are you narrating to yourself?!' snapped Church.

'Yeah, it is kind of weird.' said Tucker 'And not the kinky kind of weird I'm used to, either.'

'Standard Galacy Police protocol is to record ones findings in the event of being on an unknown world.' said Kiyone 'I'm just following orders for the benefit of future generations okay.'

'KEEP IT TO YOURSELF YOU BENE GESSERIT WHORE!'' roared Sister.

'Yeah, well benefit the current one and cut the apocalyptic logs will ya?' said Church.

'Right, sorry.' said Kiyone.

'She can narrate my apocalypse any day.' said Tucker 'Bow chicka bow wow-'

'You're a virgin aren't you?' asked Kiyone. He was really giving off a vibe of desperation.

Tucker stopped. '…Am not.'

'Actually Tucker is right. He's not a virgin.' said Church in a voice that sounded like he was smirking. 'How about you tell her about how you had your little abomination Tucker?'

'I um…' Tucker paused 'I'm not sure I should-'

'Oh! Are we telling stories!' said Caboose 'Can I start?!'

'No, I think we should give Tucker the chance.' said Church 'After all, he's got so many stories to tell. Tell us about how you got that sword.'

'Blarg!' said an inhuman voice. Kiyone looked up to see a tiny alien a the door. It was vaguely humanoid, but had mandibles instead of a mouth. 'Blarg, blarg, honk, honk.'

Tucker looked up. 'Oh, Junior. I uh… didn't see you there. Hang on kid, daddy will be there in a minute.' And he moved off.

Kiyone stared after him. '…Daddy? is that thing his adopted son?' asked Kiyone.

'No, it is his full blooded son.' said Church 'He got impregnated by an alien a little while ago and Junior over there was the result. I was going to step on its neck and blow its head off, but now I just don't care.'

Kiyone decided she'd had enough of this. 'Right, hey um… is there anyone else in this canyon?' asked Kiyone 'Literally anyone else?!'

'Well there is Red Team, but I wouldn't go there if I were you.' said Church 'With that hair Sarge is liable to blow your head off as soon as look at you.'

'That actually sounds preferable. Thanks.' said Kiyone, before finishing her Ater and walking out.

Soon enough she was making her way across the box canyon someone disheartened. However she refused to give up. 'Okay, okay, so everyone over on that side of the canyon is absolutely insane. But that is probably why the two sides are fighting in the first place. There is no way this could be-'

And then a cardboard cut out of a soldier in pink armor popped into view. 'Freeze! This is a military installation! And if you go any further you're going to get into a uh… slap fight.'

'-any weirder.' finished Kiyone, before walking past.

Soon enough another cardboard cutout popped up, this time a maroon soldier. 'Stop, this is your last warning. Your only hope for survival is to kiss my commanders ass.'

'This is just… what?' said Kiyone.

Next came an orange cutout. 'This is your last warning. I know I said that the last one was the last, but I never listen to orders, because I'm too lazy and stupid.'

'I was not ready for to day.' said Kiyone.

A red cutout then appeared, pointing its shotgun at her. 'Stop right there intruder.'

'Did… I thought Washu was eccentric.' said Kiyone 'Who built all these things?'

'I did.' said the Red cutout.

Then the real maroon one appeared. 'Yes sir, and they're a perfect duplicate of the real thing Sarge. I'm not sure I can tell the difference.'

'You are such a kissass, Simmons.' said the orange one as he appeared.

'Both of you shut up!' said Sarge 'Now, identify yourself intruder!'

'…You're real?' said Kiyone, surprised.

'Of course I am.' said Sarge 'You fell for a brilliant misdirection. I still got it. Now start talking, or I start blasting.'

'Hold on, I'm not an enemy.' said Kiyone.

'Not our enemy?' asked the orange one 'Your blue, we're red. I don't know if you've noticed but we have a bit of a theme going here.'

'What theme?' asked Kiyone.

'Red vs Blue, obviously.' said the orange one.

'And you're dressed all in blue.' said the maroon one. 'It's pretty obvious.'

Kiyone suddenly realized that her blue skintight galaxy police uniform had been the source of half her trouble on this trip. 'Oh the uniform. Look uh… I may be wearing blue, but I'm not actually with the blue team.'

'Not with the blue team while wearing blue?!' said Sarge 'That's crazy talk! Crazy! You might as well say that he's Grif without being a worthless dirtbag!'

'Yeah, or he's Simmons without having his lips firmly pressed to Sarge's behind.' said Grif.

'Shut up, Grif.' said Simmons 'We're trying to secure the prisoner.'

'Look, I'm not with them okay!' said Kiyone 'I just need to get out of this canyon, and I was-'

And then something hit her in the face.

* * *

Kiyone woke up some time later with a bruise on her face and the mother of all headaches. 'Ow. Son of a bitch that hurts.'

'Hey, you're awake.' said an enthusiastic voice. 'It's been a while since we had a girl around here.'

Before her was a pink armored soldier. This day just got weirder and weirder. 'Who are you? And why do I feel like I got bashed in the face with a rifle?'

'I'm Franklin Delano Donut.' said the soldier 'And don't worry about that. Sarge just hit you in the face with with his rifle, that's all. Then he told me to watch over you. Hey, do you like ribbons and unicorns? Please tell me you like those things, the last girl didn't care about those at all.'

'I… I don't…' Kiyone paused 'I traded Mihoshi for this.' The end times were nigh.

Then Sarge came in. 'Private Donut report.'

'Prisoner is secure Sarge.' said Donut 'I just finished telling her how you hit her with your rifle.'

'Donut I'm ashamed of you. I hit her with my shotgun!' proclaimed Sarge 'The rifle is a cowards weapon. When a man kills his enemy, he does it up close and personal, so he can look you in the eye and know that you're the one that beat him to death!  
That or with nuclear missiles. It's unfortunate but there just isn't enough time in the world to give everyone the benefit of a good strangling.'

Kiyone put her face in her hands. '…I should have stayed with Blue Team.'

'Aha, so you admit to being part of the Blue Team!' said Sarge.

'What, no!' said Kiyone.

'Donut, take this down as evidence for the trial.' said Sarge.

'But Sarge, I want to be the bailiff.' said Donut.

'For the last time Donut, your cop outfit violates the rules of public decency.' said Sarge 'And we don't want to see it.'

'But what's so wrong about short shorts?' asked Donut 'Nobody cares when girls wear them, I just want to be one of the crowd.'

'Can it, cupcake.' said Sarge 'Private Simmons, read the criminal their rights.'

'Criminal?' said Kiyone 'But the trial hasn't even started yet! You haven't proved anything! Or accused me of anything!'

'Ahem, you are charged under the Crimson Law of being a dirty Blue.' said Simmons 'You have the right to die slowly. You have the right to eat dirt and be crushed underfoot by our boot heel. Anything you say or do will be used against you in a public execution.'

'What the hell is the Crimson law?' asked Kiyone 'I've never heard of that legal code.'

'I made it myself five minutes ago.' said Sarge 'Command hasn't made one yet, bit of an oversight. Still, I'm sure they know what they're doing.'

'And it's a truly admirable and fair code to be sure sir.' said SImmons.

'I don't acknowledge the authority of this court.' said Kiyone.

'Objection denied.' said Sarge.

'You aren't even a real legal professional, you can't be the judge!' said Kiyone.

'Objection denied!'

'But-' began Kiyone.

'All further objections are denied!' said Sarge 'Now, Grif, present the evidence?'

'Well I've got these blue oreo wrappers I found in the back of the base.' said the orange one.

'Egads, clearly she spread them here to destroy the morale of this army!' said Sarge.

'Actually sir, I don't think that counts as evidence.' said Simmons in a resigned tone. 'In fact I'm pretty sure Grif just sat around eating oreos instead of doing his job.'

'Oh.' said Sarge 'Well in that case, Simmons, bring forth the evidence you gathered because you knew Grif would be too lazy to do his job.'

'Yes sir. I call forth my first witness, Sarge.'

'But I thought you were the judge?!' said Kiyone.

'I am the judge.' said Sarge 'And the jury. And the executioner. And the witnesses. And I'll kill anyone who says otherwise.'

'Then why are you even bothering with the trial?' asked Kiyone.

'We need to make a public spectacle of your gruesome execution as a message to the Blues that their wicked schemes will not be tolerated.' said Sarge 'See, Lopez is over there recording it and transmitting it to the galaxy as we speak.'

Kiyone looked up to see a brown robot watching them with the dispassionate air of one who has seen all that he wants to see, but has nowhere else to go. 'Realmente moron solo estoy sentado aquí viendo todos ustedes actuar como idiotas'

'I know Lopez, and you're doing a fine job of it. Just make sure you catch the full blood and gore.' said Sarge 'Simmons, prepare to cross examine me on the double.'

'Yes sir.' said Simmons, coming forward. 'Sargeant Sarge, did you see this dirty blue approaching your base camp?'

'Yes I did. I saw her cowardly slinking across the barren wastes, hoping to avoid a fair trial.' said Sarge.

'This isn't fair!' said Kiyone 'This is the exact opposite of fair!'

'And was she scheming to bring ruin and destruction upon the Red Team with her machevellian plans?' asked Simmons.

'Yes! She was! All in favor say aye! Aye!' roared Sarge before pointing his gun at Kiyone. 'All against?' Silence. 'The suspect is guilty!'

'But what about my defense?!' asked Kiyone.

'Criminals aren't allowed to defend themselves in a court of Crimson law.' said Sarge 'Otherwise they might go free. Can't have people getting off the hook on a technicality like lack of evidence. Now prepare for the execution!'

This was the last way Kiyone expected to die.

'Ready!'

Her only regret was that she hadn't let Mihoshi have that ice cream.

'Aim!'

Actually her only regret was that didn't punch Mihoshi in the face. She wasn't sure which.

'Fire!' cried Sarge.

Then there was a blur of white and Simmons stiffened as it went into him. The maroon soldier turned around and slammed his rifle against the back of Sarge's neck. 'Booyah! Suck it red.' he said in a very familiar voice.

'Et Tu Simmons.' said Sarge as he hit the ground.

'What's going on?' asked Kiyone. 'I thought you were on his team.'

'Hey, Kiyone, it's Church.' he said 'I'm possessing this guy. Tucker is waiting outside with the tank and my body.'

'Oh no you don't!' said Sarge 'Donut, do what you do best!'

'Yes sir!' said Donut with a salute. 'Ahh! Help! There's no hope! I can't take this we're all going to die!' As he screamed and freaked out visibly, Sarge looked proud.

'What a pro.'

Church hit him again. 'Hey, shut up this is a rescue operation.'

'Aw, son of a bitch.' said Sarge, before falling unconscious.

Kiyone stared. 'What! What's going on here?! What is this all?! How did all these people qualify to join any military organization, let alone see active service! What are you doing possessing other people?!'

'Hey, can we talk later.' said Church 'We're kind of in enemy territory.'

'Right, okay.' said Kiyone, calming herself down.

They looked up to Grif who was standing there, watching.

'So…' began Church.

'Yeah, what is it?' asked Grif.

'Aren't you going to try and stop us?' asked Kiyone.

'I dunno, I'm kind of tired. I think I'm just going to fall asleep in my helmet instead.' said Grif. And then he did just that.

'…Yeah, that's pretty typical.' said Church 'Let's go.'

As they made their way out of the red base, Kiyone felt she had been somewhat ungracious. She probably would be dead if not for the Blues. Yet Church didn't seem to think anything of it. 'Hey, um… thanks for coming after me, Church.'

'Coming after you?' asked Church as they came into view of Tucker and their tank. And also Church's unconscious body. 'What are you talking about? I came here to steal their jeep.'

'Don't listen to him, Princess.' said Tucker 'We came to rescue you. Now how about a standard hero reward. Bow chicka bow wow!'

'Shut the fuck up and man the jeep, Tucker.' said Church, abandoning Simmons body and going into his own before looking to the tank. 'Sheila?'

'Yes Church.' said Shelia.

'If any of the reds come out after us, make them blow up.' said Church.

'Okay, I'll keep my sensors trained on the exits at all times.' said Sheila.

'The tank talks?' said Kiyone. She probably should have been more surprised, but she was past being surprised at the madness.

'Yes, I am Sheila, an AI assigned to this main battle tank.' said the tank 'It is a pleasure to make your acquintance.'

'This is not the weirdest thing I've seen today.' said Kiyone in despair.

'Just get on the jeep.' said Church

As they drove off, Kiyone looked at the view. The view of rocks and dirt. She got tired of looking at the view and turned her attention to the cobalt soldier. 'Hey Church.'

'Yeah?' he asked.

'Why are you able to leave your body and possess other people?' she asked.

'Oh that.' he said 'Okay, how do I explain this? I'm a ghost. That idiot Caboose shot me with a tank and I died. But I came back as a spirit, and now I am possessing this robot body.'

'So you died and then came back as a ghost?' asked Kiyone, hardly believing it.

'Yep.' said Church.

'…That doesn't explain anything.' said Kiyone.

'What do want from me a poem? I've got unfinished business, okay.' said Church.

'Um… Church.' said Tucker, voice afraid.

'Dear god in heaven, Tucker. If this is another one liner I will rip out your skull-' began Church, before he stopped and looked up and stopped the car.

On the hill above them was a black soldier with a rocket launcher.

'Tex is back.' said Tucker.

'Seriously?' said Church 'This is great, now the Reds won't stand a chance!'

Tex loaded the rocket launcher.

'…She seems to be pointing a rocket launcher at us.' said Kiyone.

'Hey!' said Tucker 'I totally knew we could pick up chicks with this car!'

'Oh.' said Church, looking to Kiyone, then Tex. 'Son of a bitch.'

Tex launched a rocket.

 **Authors Note:**

Well here we have chapter two of Kiyone goes to Blood Gulch. I gotta admit I was surprised at how many people went to look at this fic. I was expecting to have zero views at the end of the week. Anyway, enjoy and please review. It helps me write to know that people enjoy reading my story.


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